The Best Question to Ask When You Don't Like Your Kid's Behavior

A couple of weeks ago, a mom whom I had the pleasure of working with years ago, wrote me about her daughter being bullied, and how she remembered the skills and the Hand in Hand tools she had learned in our class, and was able to handle it with tremendous insight and grace, thanks to this different way of thinking about parenting and our kids' behavior.   
 
At first she found herself doing what so many of us do - something I call "behavior chasing." Her daughter had developed this habit of screaming a lot and she just wanted it to STOP. 

Until she remembered... the behavior is just a marker. 

A signal. A communication of a deeper need. She shifted her focus, and found the answers her family needed. 
 
I loved her story so much, I asked her if she'd be willing to let us share her story on the podcast, and she also offered to write it up for you all.

So here you go, in Nina's own words...

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The Phone Call I Made That Day

This is a true story. (I hope you will forgive my honesty as I tell it.)

It is the story of how I became a mother - two years AFTER I had my kids. 

Winter, early 2009: I was a new mom. Twice over.

One baby who was almost two years old. The other only two months old. A dream come true.  The only problem: I had children I loved, but I didn’t yet know how to be a parent.

The first few years had been rough. No sleep – ever. My first born needed multiple heart surgeries. My father had just died. My career - and my whole prior life - was over. Not to mention, these kids. They had feelings that I just didn’t know how to handle. Who was handling all MY feelings? 

I wanted so badly to be a good parent. No, a great parent.

I thought love would be enough, but all the love in the world did not prepare me for the frustration I would sometimes feel when the toddler hit the baby, or they would wake up for the 12th time that night, or my husband would...

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An Unusual Mother's Day Wish

This mother’s day, I’d love to reach out to all the moms out there who maybe didn’t have a mom. Or at least not the kind you’d ever call Mom.

You didn’t have a Mom who would put a band-aid on your knee when you fell skating, or maybe you never even got to skate with her. You didn’t have the kind of Mom you could go to when you broke your ceramic candlestick in second grade, or when your friend didn’t invite you to her sleepover party, or when you got your period. She wasn’t there for you – at least not in the way you needed – when you got married, and she certainly wasn’t there for you when the baby came helping teach you how to nurse, doing the extra laundry and getting some groceries.

And yet, here you are, grown up, with a family all your own. Now YOU are Mom. And maybe sometimes it feels confusing. How do you lead someone down a path on which no one ever led you? It can feel like you are carrying the weight of...

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